Don't be Pathetic

There are 3 main situations that lead men to be pathetic for women. That is when a man wants something that he can't get (like sex or love), when a man looses something that he wants back (like a girlfriend) and when a man is in the process of loosing something he doesn't want to loose (like an imminent break up).

A man that says or does pathetic things to fix any of these situations becomes as unattractive as he can possibly became. Nothing is more of a turn off for a woman that a man that begs for pity or for some concession.

Let me give you some examples. A classic one is a man that lusts after a woman, or women, and he is not getting anything in return to his attentions or his attempts; or perhaps he is getting only a small amount of teasing that keeps him trying without real success. This situation is so common that any man on the planet at least once faced it at some point in life. I did too, a few times. The worse possible thing a man can do in this cases is to became pathetic and beg or send cries for attention. This is often done by guys in the forms of complaints on their miserable existence or situation, cries of desperation, pathetic letters and messages, claims of infinite love or other overwhelming feelings, exaggerations going from talking about suicide to cries of pain toward God or nature or other universal and immense concepts. A man that acts this way will never ever get anything other than pity from the object of his desires. Even if a man gets something out of pity, like a forced date, it is going to be only as a way for a woman to stop the torture and to stop the pathetic cry in hope that it won't happen again.

If you can't get what you want, please do not be pathetic. You make people puke, you do not attract anything but pity. It is disgusting and miserable; an insult to humanity and a waste of your energies that you could use in better ways.

Another example is when a relationship is ending and a man doesn't want it to end. A man that wants to maintain a relationship going should never beg or became pathetic with sad love letters, cute and constant messages of eternal love, constantly calling and trying from every angle including harassing or using common friends or family. If he does he will loose all the respect of a woman and any real possibility of a long and happy relationship in the future.

There are some exceptions in which desperation is sincere and is briefly expressed immediately and on the spot of some painful event. This is sad but not necessarily pathetic, and sometimes it needs to happen spontaneously to express some overwhelming feelings.

As an example, if a woman leaves a man after a long relationship and a man cries spontaneously, that is sad but understandable. While I don't think it helps anything and I personally wouldn't do it, I also won't pass judgment on that. After this strong first reaction a man needs to find his calm and stance and face the situation. No whining, no self pity, no crawling on knees or beg for concessions. A man needs to face reality and either try to fix whatever went wrong, if there is a way to do so, or just accept it and move on. Life doesn't end and begging is not going to bring anything back. It just pushes a woman away further and further.

I am not saying that a man shouldn't suffer. Suffering because a woman is normal and it happens. I suffered many times. I am saying that a man shouldn't try to get back what he lost trying to inspire pity or other sad feelings.

You need to be what the woman you care about used to like, not a mess of tears and sad exaggerations. That is very unattractive.

If she leaves you for something you did, you should try to understand your fault talking to her. If you can't see it, do not admit a fault that you don't understand or even have. Accept the fact that she doesn't like you for what you are and move on, knowing that is better that way. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't appreciate your real self. On the oter hand, if you can see a fault in your actions, see if you can and want to fix it and if she is willing to give you a chance. If not, move on. Don't try to fix what can't be fixed or what doesn't exist. Don't change yourself to accommodate a woman. It may seem like a good thing to do on the moment of crisis (like claiming "I'll change..."), but it is not a good thing in the long term. People don't change unless they learn either falling hard or with time and experience. The "I'll change" promise is sincere when is made; as soon as the situation calms down, that promise is forgotten and things go back to be what they were. Men have a short memory.

The bottom line is: if you are a man, please never be pathetic to get a woman. It is not going to work. Period.